The 4 years old boy in my dreams.:)

Guy and I foot.:)

It’s so weird but I don’t know how to explain! I may sound like building a “Blahhh-Blahh” story, but I’m not looking for drama mode in me as well!

4nights in a row that I have been dreaming this 4yrs old boy! The little boy face is crystal clear in my dream like Guy’s little image when he was a toddler.
In my dreams I knew that the boy is Guy and I’s flesh.:)

Today riding the tram. I was standing, though there is 1 vacant seat next to me, but I choose to stand as mostly I do when I’m riding a tram. For the fact that I could burn at least few calories by standing than to seat-down! My 1 hand holding to the pole next to the doorway.
1 more stop before I embark. A woman got up from her seat and standing next to me holding the same pole I was holding on. Then all of the sudden I saw the boy in my dreams standing in the middle between me and that woman. The boy holds the pole almost on top of my hand and smiling so clearly to me. His eyes is so clear to me in those following weird few seconds.:) And I replied him also with my smile!:)

I thought the boy was with that woman. When the woman step off the tram. I look up and asked to myself “Where’s the boy? Where is the woman’s boy?”
Then, I realized the woman was by herself only. And I recalled -that the boy was the character of my dream 4days in a row already.:)
When I got home I told the weirdo scene to Guy my husband right away! And he said it’s probably because I was overwhelmed with kids at church this morning and thinking the kids in my volunteer work a lot too. 🙂

Me: I don’t know really! It’s just kinda weird for me. All in my mind is that’ – That boy is one of my probably loss twin last year?
I don’t know their gender when God opted to take them away from me “For his better plan for me and Guy?” Maybe, No, or maybe Yes? But we are perfectly confirmed together with our Doctor’s, that I was carrying in my womb a Two Heartbeat of Guy and I flesh last year! In short it’s a darn little Twins.:)

I’m not sad now, about what happen! I’m not sad now that I loss my first baby in my womb year of 2011, and my Twins last year. I understand and accepted what God’s better plan for us, because right now Guy and I saw his reason why? And will stay positive and continue to follow what God want us to pursue like what we’re walking now.”__”
What we’re proceeding now? Opps that’s secret for now.:)

Do I miss my Angels? Ohhhh Yes! Of course big darn Yes.
Did I blamed my loss? Yes absolutely before!

But now the wounds been healed and every time I till a story about my Angels now I felt no pain anymore. Because I then finely accepted the fact that God has his best capability to take good care of my 3 Little Peanuts Babies in his Kingdom than here in my arms.:)

Missing you 3 bad my Little Peanuts, and I Love you so dearly.:)

Mommy and Daddy are fine now, don’t worry of us! Just have fun there in God’s paradise. And just keep having fun playing in those pretty garden where butterflies are free flying, playing with you all little Angels.:)

Prayers to my 3 Angels.:)

Prayers to my 3 Angels.:)

I Love you Little 3 Peanuts,

Mommy Yen.:)


New Pope of Roman Catholic Pope Francis the 1st.:)

Hello guys,

There is 1.2 Billion people who are Catholic in this world. To those 1.2 Billion crowds, I’m gloriously glad to say that I am one of those crowds. I grow up in one of a big Catholic country in the Philippines. Way back on my child stage, seeing Pope John Paul II become an inspiration for me. I reminisces the first scene I saw Pope John Paul II was on TV, and my heart is pounding with love and excitement, together with this anxiety inside of me, an anxiety of wanting to see him in the future personally.  After those I been praying for him! I made the engagement to myself that I will visit Rome Italy in the future when I’m capable enough to do so. But I was late, and he can’t wait me that more long, as I arrived in Rome March of 2007 were all I saw was his Tomb inside the Vatican.:(

Anyway enough with my drama. This afternoon around 5pm I been anxiously and patiently waiting live on Vatican news about the election of the new Pope. While watching I promptly snapping photos by doing the screen shot from my laptop and here’s the following photos guys.

Rain, Cold, and freezing But the crowds of people and even this lovely Seagull, are patiently waiting the White Smoke to comes-up.:)

Rain, Cold, and freezing. But the crowds of people and even this lovely Seagull, are patiently waiting the White Smoke to comes-up.:)

My husband and I longing to be in Vatican today, to witness the history of the Catholic Church New Pope.:)


Hundreds of crows are in the St.Peter's Square waiting for that spectacular White Smoke.:)

Hundreds of crowds in the St.Peter’s Square waiting for this spectacular White Smoke.:)

And finely the sign show-up:)

And finely the sign show-up:)

Meet the new leader of the Roman Catholic Church Pope Jorge Mario Bergoglio 76 years old. His the 1st Pope outside from Europe for more than a Millennium. He put his life in a very effortless way! Being a Cardinal, he cook his own meal, and riding himself in bus sometimes in his home country. He took the Name of “POPE FRANCIS 1” His from this lovely Buenos Aires of Argentina, that surprised me of having only a 40% population Catholic.


Pope Francis 1 from Latin America Buenos

The New Leader of the Roman Catholic Church “Pope Francis the 1st”  from Latin America Argentina. The 1st Pope who are elected outside from Europe for over a Millennium.:)


Pope Francis 1 brought this hundreds of crowds live in Vatican.:)


A silence of prayers.:)

Asking the silence of prayers to the crowds! Before I Bless you, I will ask you to Bless me first to provide me the strength to be your New Pope.:)

Pope Francis 1, was the 2nd runner up of Pope Benedict XVI way back year 2005.:)

Pope Francis 1, was the 2nd runner-up of Pope Benedict XVI way back year 2005.:)

I am pleased with this result, and the media are doing great for bringing the news open to all the crowds who are interested of whats going on in this kind of matter. I am thankful also to the Vatican for letting us to witness this big glorified history in our Roman Catholic Church.:)

I pray for the new Pope Francis 1 health, and may God provide him the wisdom to follow the right direction to bring the Roman Catholic world to God into success without any hesitations and the evil act.:)

The above photos are not my property, they are a video footage from “CTV from Vatican TV” and with my effortless screen shot from my laptop I ended-up with those lovely emotional photos.:)

God Bless everyone,


Writing Challenge: Starting Over ~~Copping with miscarriage #2 :(:(:(

The Daily Post posted a theme today titled Writing Challenge: Starting Over and I opted I to post this story I made last year during the 2nd Horror accidents to me last year, not just once  but a year before of 2012  the 1st agony started to test my faith.I called this my horror that I’m having trouble to escape because Moving on, is sometimes hard to do and it takes time. But my husband and I are heading the directions where is Up is, because it is the right way to continue our story by following whats up ahead. But there’s a moments that we can’t deny we felt  Down because of what happen, thinking that if they survive we should be playing with them now. Sometimes we go either Sideways of feelings and emotions, because we’re just human.

The bellow wordings  and paragraphs that you’ll about to read was my original writing story. Hopefully you’ll going to read it from the start till it end.

Writing Challenge: Starting Over

Hello guys,

Been a while since I haven’t hand you the update about me! Actually I opted to reveal my joyful news to you last week, but it turned out an agony again between my husband and me.

After a year, finely we got 2 lines on the stick means we are pregnant!

My husband and I conceived again for the second time. We got 2 red lines on the stick. It was the happiest day of ours. I emailed my clinic that we got positive and I want a blood test to find out my hCG level (Human chorionic gonadotropin.) On the afternoon my clinic emailed me the results, and their happy to announce that I was confirmed pregnant and my hCG level are very good. But the other good news is that my numbers are quite high and possible for twin! And I should be resting until our first ultrasound comes.

Those hCG result made us so happy and thrilled about our blessings from God, and plus the possible twins those were awesome. We finely conceived again after our first miscarriage last year those hand us of so much pain and heartbreak. I was recovered those first agony, but sometimes it reminded me that if those baby of ours made it through! We should have now a  1year old and 6 months peanut walking around our house! But the Hematoma killed our baby.

The July news gave us the hope that overwhelmed us. We started to plan things around, my husband been reading his book about “Daddy’s to be” and his been so thrilled and excited doing the stuffs and trying to follow what’s in the book says! I felt like I was more than a queen the way my husband treating me.

Before he heads to work he fixed my bed first, my food, my bathrobe, my vitamins, and everything. He makes sure that my mobile is fully charged and reachable so when he called me, I can answer him right away. He does all the house choirs, groceries, laundry, and Ironing even though his not good on it but his trying hard, and don’t want me to do the house choirs even washing dishes.

I fondled like I was the most luxurious and the luckiest wife in whole wide world. But aside for the lucrative emotion all of a sudden the agony assaults again. Few days before the miscarriage the woman instinct of me is different I felt like I’m loosing all the pregnancy symptoms. I called my husband that afternoon from his work to get a pregnancy test for me after his office hours. He asked me why? And I said just follow what I said! When he gets home with the PT pregnancy test I pee on a cup and my husband doing the Deeping on it! The result was (- negative) I started to panic that night and my husband convinced me that he pulled it out to soon as he only counts 10seconds, and he wants to test it again. I said no need!

That night I emailed my clinic and told my crisis feelings. The next day early morning my husband and I went to our clinic to undergo the blood test again. The result will be the afternoon. My husband took the sick leave as he still has 18days of sick leave left for this year! Before heading back to the house we bought a PT again. We tested it again and this time my husband use his timer for 20seconds Deeping. After 5minutes it says I’m pregnant. We embrace each other and happy to see I was pregnant still. I fondled and kind of relax for those scenarios. But inside of me saying, I will be completely fine if the result of my blood test would be doubled or higher from the first blood test.

I keep on eyeing my mobile or my emails, as we’re anxious for the result. Finely I got the email from my clinic, I haven’t read it all the way as the one I saw right away was the sentence “sorry your hCG counts goes down to 6.7 from 403.4” all of the sudden I stumbled and the fear is managing my body. My tears started to fall down, followed with the pain and started to felt like somebody is stubbing my heart slowly and slowly. My husband who seats next to me continued to read the email, then he hug me, we both started to ask why?  We haven’t or I did not do anything wrong to make our possible twins died! All I did was resting and resting! Again we experienced the most agony of our marriage. We we’re longing this baby dust for few years now, and why it seems like its difficult to be possible!

The next day I asked my husband that I need some walking, because I’m thinking maybe it cause me to bleed. As on my mind I need to bleed now or else it be dangerous for me as my Doctor said. But on the side part of my body, my heart is whispering my ear that maybe it will grow and develop, and maybe God will provide us his miracle again, maybe the baby still developing and growing, that maybe the clinic was just wrong counting my hCG test results!

I’ll have to put you away, goodbye babies! I’m putting you away for me to move on, and trying to forget the pain that your gone. But I wont forget the time that for the second time I saw you and carried you inside my womb. This will be my last to mention about you, but surely in my heart your always be, I love you and see you soon as I believe I’m gonna see you somehow soon or later in the future.:)

My mind wins, we end-up walking. I felt exhausted those every single steps after few minutes of walking. My husband said we should ride to get home quick but I insisted that I want to walk that I felt fine so no worries! But inside of me I was really drained out, I felt dizzy and fainted all of a sudden. Until we reached the house, I lay down the bed and I felt all of my body parts are shaking from head to toe! I went to the bathroom after I felt ok to get up, and found out I was starting to bleed, called my husband and again we end up of embracing each other. The pain in me is more worst than what I think, knowing that it is really the end of my pregnancy.

The next day I wipe and saw a very thick blood and started crying, my heart saying goodbye to you my possible twins. My husband saw it as he always follows me when I use the bathroom since I got pregnant, and he just hug me tight and said will conceive again soon. All you have to do now is to recover your body, go back to the gym to exercise and this time I’ll go to the gym with you. It’s not just your responsibility to be physically fit but mine to, I need to be physically fit too for you, and for our coming baby.

I was totally drained out and exhausted, I was broken-hearted again. I felt like God punished me. Why this happen again not once but twice? Why we have to experience this misery again? I was looking for someone or something to blame! I admit I even blame and I got mad to God. Knowing that nobody’s fault! I don’t know!

Last week I went to a counselor Doctor and this afternoon. First I don’t really need to talk this with anyone. Even to my mother, to a family, or to friends. I just want to be alone. I don’t want them to ask me why what happen? I don’t want to talk about it and I opted to be quite for this. But my husband is worried, and our Doctor to. So last week we end up to a counseling Doctor. She let me talk and talk all about the sorrows. And crying is out of me in front of people but it never stop me as my tears just flood right away. She asked about my life before, my relationship with my family back in Philippines, and my relationship with my family back in States, how do I deal with friendship here in Czech Republic, if I felt homesick at all? I said to myself how these stuffs related with my miscarriage?

After all she articulate that I’m a very strong woman! Which is good on the other part, but being strong doesn’t mean that it is good for my health too. And I don’t understand those! Maybe I’ll have a good understanding on our next talk, as she wanted to see me again this week. And this afternoon was my second session of talking with my counselor, she explained me everything. She told me start all over again, have fun, and forget them all if I need to have a baby soon then I should end the pain as I’m the only one can do it. I’m not really in favor of talking her but I think it helps me for the fact that there are some certain worries that I keep for long time with me and she cleared it out during our meting.

For now I’m willing to move on again, to be back on shape physically to mentally. I’ll just eye the future that one day my husband and I become parents. I have no reason to stop, as this battle makes me stronger even more. But if you ask me how am I now? I don’t know how to answer you! Should I say, “I’m fine” or “I’m Okay”? I don’t know yet!

But one thing I was sure about that I’m working my faith back to God, and longing for his forgiveness. Because I questioned his plans, his power to me I maybe don’t have the answer yet, but I hope one day I’ll find it out why he took my babies away from me and my husband. I fully understand that what we have in life is just a temporary, the ultimate owner is our creature God. And having a child is temporary too, but hopefully one day God allow me to barrow that child for long period of time like some parents do.:)

Thank you for reading and hanging on my drama here, I know not just me facing this kind of agony but everyone has their own stories, and for me this my story that made my heart-broken into pieces.:(


P.S if you want to hear about more my drama? here’s my 1st blog about my first loss last year

6 years of wedding anniversary! wood or Iron?

wood symbol in 6yrs married.:)

Hi guy’s,

I hope you all are in good shape, and hope to hear you soon. It’s been a while I haven’t heard about you guy’s… opppsss’’’ I think it’s me whose been out for a-while?

I just wanted to dropped this slight revise of my love life! It might be fun to my readers.:) Yesterday was my 6 years wedding anniversary yehheeyyy.:) My man said it was a “wood” year of marriage but when Ive researched it the meaning of 6years marriage was “Iron” and when I cleared it out to my husband, he said I might be wrong! for the fact he was insisting it was wood. So whatever it is? It doesn’t matter either way though! Because the most relevant was both souls are still involved and in love to each other.

Just for an entertaining it bumped to my head that I should also give something involved with wood as part of my gift to my man. So I found this handcraft expression like a buggy wood. I admit I have trouble finding a gift for my man every occasion, as his not into material stuffs. Give him ”Salami” then his in heaven lol.:) So yesterday I hand him this Wii Investigation games, and additional daily casual long sleeves for his work! All of the sudden when I’m at shower I heard him playing the Wii games as part of my present to him. Which made me very happy because he love’s my humble present to him.

Inside the Restaurant. Pretty good ambiance for me:) The restaurant on top  ground floor was overlooking to the river where you you can feel the fresh air of the surrounding.  Our weekends is kind of cloudy, and rain is off and on! So we opted to be inside where we found out more fun, romantic ambiance than in the top floor ground.:)

Looking at this angle picture, the right side is a glass wall where you can see the overlooking river, boat are on, ducks are having fun playing in the water, the best view of the popular bridge in Czech Republic the “Charles Bridge” the “Prague Castle” and more.:) Perfect romantic Anniversary dinner for me.:)

Now lets go to the yummy food:)

My husband Appetizer!

My Appetizer!

This is the funny thing in a fine dinning! The food are great, quite expensive, but the food served are quite not much lol:) My husband friend told him this… “Every time I brought my wife to a fine dinning I end-up ordering a pizza back to the house because I’m still hungry!

My main course! It’s a lobster covered by pasta it looks like cheese but it’s a pasta. I swear it’s yummy promise and I can eat more.:)

Hubby’s main course! Hubby love’s it much he said and when I took a sneak bite Yes it was mouth watering like mine.:)

Main course of Hubby! just another good view.:)

Now let me tour you guy’s to the gorgeous view from our glass wall table inside the restaurant!

A view from our glass wall next to our table.:) The Charles Bridge!

The photos was taken from my 10megapixel Olympus Digital Camara which is my purse Camara. Angle shot behind the glass.:)

Lets go back to food, now it’s dessert time!

I’m not quite interested with the dessert so no comment!

Hubby’s dessert! his not quite impressed to his dessert too! But he eat them all though, and mine too all of them went to his tummy lol:)

View from our table! sorry I intended the back ground as dark as I can!

Just a quick snap!

And now time to go home!

The garden entrance of the restaurant! The top ground floor

The name of the restaurant. Kampa park in Prague Czech Republic:)

If one day you’ll have the opportunity to be in Prague, then I’ll recommend you to this restaurant “Kampa park”

Just another glimpse! I was surprised yesterday morning when I tried to hand my presents to my man in our bedroom. Then I almost lean my moose stuff toy when my husband shout to be careful the moose is sensitive right now! I grabbed my toy and found a warped box, when I open it it’s a box of Louis Vuitton wallet but it was same color to this bag which I already have one. So we opted to go back to the Louis Vuitton shop after church to change it with this brown dammer color of wallet.:)
Then my husband said that theres might be another box in back of the pillow! where I found this LV bag.:) I’m so surprised and happy for the wonderful blessing from God.:) And I keep my faith more to him and praying for another successful year of loving blissful marriage again.:)

I would like to share you guy’s few of my wedding day photos way back June 3 of 2006:)

The reception area!

my own humble designed wedding cake!

Guest souvenirs!

My Alma mater University choir!

The wedding bands!

Church wedding!

Inside wedding church!

Wedding accessories!

My own humble designed gown, combination with Filipino and American way!

Thank you guy’s your comments and note are highly appreciated:) Cheers to our successful marriage each of us here.:)

God Bless,


“Back to the Church of God”:)

The Church were my wedding at.:)

I exist in a Catholic religion as it is a major religion in my home land. I reminisce that my Mom is making sure that every Sunday is our visit to God’s house. Don’t take me wrong here! Every corner is considered the house of God especially here in our each heart defending on how we look at it!

Devine Mercy Church Philippines

Devine Mercy.

When time goes by I confess that we hardly visit to the church, my mom been busy all weeks. I even hardly talk to God! But one scenario crosses I found out that my grades in school is falling apart. Right then at my room I realized my errors. I cried tons for the forgiveness and the acceptance that I should accept and let God carry my burdens as his willing to take over my sorrows. And for the longest period of time my door inside my heart is closed the reason why God can’t get in and take care my life.

After that scenario I felt things went smooth, my grades went back to normal, and the storm simply disappeared with solutions right away. Until when I reach my college stage I found out my father has another child from another woman. Those stages are the feelings of cheating, and madness of my own family! I hardly seen my father the entire I grew up but I still forgive him for the reason that I wanted to fixed my broken family even at this minute. I know for the fact that my Mother has the reason also, why my family been broken! It’s just a long story.

meet my best friend for over 10yrs now! during our college graduation:)

I never blamed God for the agony of my family, I never asked him why!? Indeed my faith went strong and been proven because of my wonderful life right now according to my own perception with my gorgeous husband. Back in my college days is also the toughies stage for me. Family, studies, financial are the major sorrows of me. One day I met a friend who introduced me who become my best friend now for 10yrs already. She teaches me on how to read the bible. Yes I can understand and read the bible but what I mean is by reading it using my heart and my will of understanding to God’s beliefs. Right then my thoughts of sorrows and experienced went strong and the only location that I hang out with was Church.

This what friendship for sharing in rainy season:)

my best friend & I! during our side trip vacation. Davao Philippines.:)

The church delivered a huge help on my existence. One time I’m very mad because I don’t want to pursue my school knowing that my mom can’t sustain my studies anymore, but my mom is a very proud type of gal. Every time I need to talk with, the only one I go through was the Church talking to God as I know that it is the only way for me to breathe in again and to live continue every day of my existence. I never stop longing for happiness indeed my dreams sets me to focus the goal the goal of happiness every single day of my time.

love of love:)

When I meet my husband is the day he stepped in the church. He told me he was born in Catholic religion, even his baptismal was in Catholic Church. But since then until the day we met he never goes back to church to practice his religion. I keep on praying to God to use me as a reason for my Husband just to bring him back in church especially to you ohh God. Until one day my husband and I conversation brought me to joy! Joy because my husband finely said that he put God’s back to his heart. “I am very thankful I found you and become my wife” because of you I found God, because of you god become my friend again and become my wall, and because of you I keep my relationship openly wide to our God. It makes me content because 1 hour in church every Sunday is really a huge amount for me and for my husband to be thankful of every blessing we received from our each God.

The Church where we at every sunday:)